The other day, my hubby, Darren and I were talking about goals and he asked a really good question - “Is setting goals actually a good idea?”

Of course, that piqued my curiosity. I’m a big advocate for questioning the things we do on autopilot. Just because we’ve always done it doesn’t necessarily mean we should keep doing it. (It’s the societal rebel in me. I know, I live in a van.)

So, I decided to dig in and see what I could find.
Here’s where that research led me.

What I Discovered

Goal setting can be one of the most powerful tools for progress - or one of the fastest paths to burnout.
The difference isn’t the goal itself. It’s what’s fueling it.

When your goals are fueled by alignment, they channel your energy.
When they’re fueled by validation, they drain it.

That difference - the source of energy - changes everything.

When Goals Come from Validation

Here’s where things got really interesting.

Validation-based goals are often rooted in the belief that something is missing right now - and that achieving the goal will fill that gap.
They’re powered by a subtle need to prove or earn worth instead of expressing it.

And when that’s the energy underneath, your focus quietly splits.
One part of you is fully engaged in the present - doing the work, showing up, taking action.
But another part is waiting for the future - holding out for the moment when you finally “arrive” and get to feel complete.

That split creates friction.

Your mind is in two places at once - working now, but chasing a reward later.
And because your brain doesn’t get the satisfaction signal until you reach the end, you burn through energy faster than you can replenish it.

That’s why even the most motivated, disciplined people hit points of resistance. It’s not a lack of drive - it’s a lack of alignment. Your system isn’t being rewarded along the way.

Progress starts to feel heavier. You push harder, but the joy fades.
You’re not broken - you’re just working against your natural energy flow.

When Goals Come from Alignment

Aligned goals are the opposite experience.
They’re grounded in your values - in what already feels meaningful and true to live right now.

You’re not chasing fulfillment; you’re living it through your actions.

When your daily steps reflect your values, your system immediately recognizes that as alignment.
Your brain releases steady bursts of dopamine because every moment of progress feels right.
Your nervous system relaxes and you naturally sustain momentum.

That’s why aligned goals feel lighter and more energizing.
They don’t just direct your energy - they renew it.

Same Goal. Different Energy.

This was the biggest “aha” for me:
The goal itself doesn’t need to change - only the energy behind it does.

Here’s what that looks like in real life:

1. Business Growth

   • Validation-Based: “I want to make $100,000 this year so I can finally feel successful.”

   • Aligned: “I want to grow my business to $100,000 by focusing on excellence and service because success to me means integrity and impact.”
     → Same outcome. But one chases worth; the other expresses it.

2. Health

   • Validation-Based: “I want to lose 20 pounds so I can feel confident again.”

   • Aligned: “I want to feel strong and vibrant in my body and losing 20 pounds supports that vitality.”
     → One waits for confidence; the other experiences it through movement.

3. Family

   • Validation-Based: “I’ll spend more time with my family once things slow down.”

   • Aligned: “I’m protecting two weeknights each week for family time because connection matters to me right now.”
     → One postpones fulfillment; the other lives it daily.

Seeing those examples made me realize how easy it is to set goals that look good on paper but quietly drain energy over time.

And it made me wonder - how much lighter could growth feel if we simply changed the fuel?

So, Is Goal Setting Counter-Productive?

It depends - on what’s powering it.

When goals are driven by validation, they create friction.
When they’re driven by alignment, they create flow.

You don’t have to change what you want.
You just have to change the energy behind it.

Because the real success isn’t about reaching the finish line -
it’s about feeling fulfilled as you move toward it.

A Thought to Sit With

As I looked at my own goals through this lens, I started asking:

Which of my goals are fueled by proving… and which are fueled by alignment?

It’s a powerful question to sit with.

Because the more you build from alignment, the more energized your growth becomes - not forced, just flowing.

And next, I plan to put that theory to the test. You know me - I can’t resist an experiment.